Or is it?
I imagine for many of us facing the cost of living crisis head on, reeling from the mass media reporting of the autumn budget; life feels constrained to needs as opposed to wants.
The commercialism of Christmas won't be helping with the anxiety of what needs vs wants really means at this time of year; where families feel the pressure of expectation and the squeeze on finances.
In December 2020, I was sent to prison. This we know. What you don't know is there was one other woman in the prison van with me on the way to HMP Styal. She was unfazed by the jolting of the plastic horse box for humans, the creaking through city streets to countryside visage. For her, each twist and turn in the road was expecting and as such, I was the only one who was sick on my shoes in the sweatbox. Less navigation and disoritentation, more paralytic fear of the unknown and the brutal reality of my life being ripped from me at the bang of an unexpected gavel. 27 months. What would that even look like?
At processing, the prison officers greeted this woman with familiarity, jesting at the expectation; they had been running bets as to when she would be back inside and they had cheered amongst themselves that they were correct in their projections - two weeks before Christmas. The woman laughed along and proceeded to tell them "It's the kids innit? If I'm in here, I'll get some peace, I'll get my dinner cooked for me and they won't be expecting shit from me, it's too much this time of year,"
I grimaced on two fronts - 1) my life of privilege and duly hard work, there's no denying that in 2020, I had just received a promotion and a payrise in my job, I was facing December with family and friends to head off against a court case that had upturned a fairly stable existence by and large, but Fran of 2016 had come back to bite the preverbial arse and hand that feeds, and lo' prison for me.
Under the excessively large Christmas tree at home, were presents I had bought and wrapped - so some part of me must have felt the invitability of this journey, this ending. Marks and Spencers wrapping paper, sprigs of fresh rosemary for a Fran flourish and Christmas was tucked up and ready.
My wife didn't open those presents until the end of September 2021 when I came home. I think just looking at them made her feel sick. She lived alone in our apartment whilst I was in prison, with the Christmas tree up until Easter, turned brown and drooping, she couldn't bring herself to take down the decorations we had put up together.
I digress.
2) This woman, my sweatbox buddy, had willingly, knowingly, premeditively got herself sent to prison to avoid the crushing expectation of Christmas with her family. She had nothing to give, gift or present. No money for the electric to heat and feed in a festive fashion and as such, she had got herself arrested, convicted and sent down to avoid the responsibility.
Some may read that in horror and think "what kind of mother," "what kind of woman,"
Wind your privilege and sanctimonious shit in.
There by the grace of god go I.
We live in a world where the rich get richer, the poor get poorer, and the opportunity for equal opportunity becomes as vast as the sahara. Where women, particularly women who have criminal convictions become less than. Worse than. And all the roads that lead to criminality, lead right back there. Why? Because we never paved another way. We never lead another path. We never shone a light on another option.
With limited education, limited employment opportunity, a barrage of barriers to both both inside and out, what hope is there for a very merry christmas?
That is why Coming Home exists.
1) To challenge the societal expectation of what women who go to prison are and can be
2) To remove the barriers to equal opportunity and meaningful employment
3) To lead by lived experience and visibly, to reduce the stigma for employers, landlords, financial institutions, and those who don't understand "criminal justice" or convictions
4) To empower and inspire women to be who they are, what they want to be, and help them get there
5) To break the cycle of offending behaviour through stable housing, finance and healthy relationships that feed a happier, healthier, healed self.
When I came home from prison, I was hired and fired, denied salaries, opportunities, equality, a voice.
I was humiliated all over again. And again. And wondered if it would ever stop.
The short answer to that is no, but the moments of pain and malign become fewer.
Before I went to prison, we were embroiled in a brutal lockdown that isolated the many, women involved in the criminal justice system and on the poverty line, dealing with complex circumstances all the more - so I did the only thing I knew how to do at the time - help - collecting anything and everything and dropping it off in droves to Emmelines Pantry
And who should be at the forefront of supporting me upon my return from prison? No referral, not in the postcode catchment area, but in need.
Emmeline's Pantry.
They made an exception to the rule, because they lead with hearts and minds and the need of their community.
They invited me to come along, collect items of need, I got to choose what I wanted, needed and would make use of. Fresh, frozen, staples, and a treat of self-care - a moistueriser. That little hint at dignity was something that stuck with me.
I never doubted I would find my way back to stability, security and sanity. It took years to recover from the prison experience and I still find myself overwhelmed by it on occasion, but I move forward.
This Christmas, alongside our Christmas Card Corresponders drive, I encourage you to join me in supporting, supplying and championing the need and wants of Emmelines Pantry - I ask those of you who have the ability to make the change, make the donation, make the impact with me, to do so.
This is a call out - gift sets and pyjama sets for women
If you're an individual and you can donate a little gift set or a new pair of pyjamas I can ensure collection from across Greater Manchester ahead of a donation delivery direct to the pantry on 12th December from Coming Home
If you're a corporate who has access to discounted / discontinued stock that we can make use of to ensure women have a Christmas of dignity, decency, self-worth and filled with love and reassurance that there is hope, there is community, there is help and there is more than Christmas expectation.
Get in touch, we can make incredible changes together.
Not just this Christmas, but for the fast approaching 2025.
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